How To Decide Who To Travel With (Or Without)

Your Companions are a Critical Part of Your Journey

People ask me all the time how to find people to travel with. It’s a good question, and quite possibly the most important part of your travel equation. Deciding who to travel with, or without, can quite literally make or break your trip. 

In my opinion, traveling with the wrong people is worse than getting hopelessly lost while walking in bad weather AND experiencing explosive diarrhea. 

For the best travel experience, you should seek out travel pals who have similar interests, similar spending habits and similar expectations. If you don’t pick your travel pals with care your trip can quickly turn into an unmanageable nightmare. 

I advise you to use caution when traveling with pals who suffer from unmanaged anxiety, PTSD, depression, bipolar disorder or any other manageable mental health issues. A fun vacation can quickly turn sour if something unexpected triggers your travel companion and their medication is off or if they haven’t developed effective coping mechanisms to calm themselves down.

When you combine jetlag and/or alcohol with a mental health issue, you might find yourself with a mess on your hands.

A Personal Note

I don’t say this lightly or flippantly. I have personally suffered from anxiety and PTSD for most of my life. It’s my responsibility, and my responsibility alone, to not let my anxiety overwhelm my life and my travels. (I’ve done a lot of work on my brain, I’m now anxiety-free, woohoo!)

We Can All Agree We ALL Need to Chill

That being said, I’ve been on too many trips with too many people (normally on Organized Tours) who refused to manage themselves and their expectations. What should have been fun travel opportunities quickly turned into somewhat unpleasant experiences.

Here are a Few Examples

• An acquaintance had a recent change of medication and subsequently had no idea where we were or what we were doing (I don’t think they remember we even went on a trip). 

• I went to Mexico with someone who had a frightening full-blown psychotic mental breakdown. 

• I traveled on an Organized Tour with a group of people who preferred nightlife over the sightseeing tour they paid for. Because they were out all night, night after night, they were late for the bus every morning and GRUMPY because they were hungover. 

• I’ve traveled with people who refuse to express their opinions or ideas and then blow up when things go wrong. 

• On a group tour, a woman suffered from an anxiety attack. She pulled a jacket over her head and started to scream. 

• I’ve been with people who belittle the tour guides (something I cannot tolerate). 

• I’ve had three different people become upset with me because I couldn’t take a picture exactly the way they wanted (I did my best but I’m not a professional photographer). 

• People have gotten very irritated with me because my phone or my map wouldn’t work. (Their phone wasn’t working either.)

• On a trip through St. Petersburg, a Canadian tourist on our bus was uncomfortably rude, condescending and demanded special treatment from everyone we encountered. At one point she started screaming about her “Gluten-intolerance” to anyone within earshot.  

These people might think I’m the one who’s difficult to travel with . . . and they might be right. 

They also are blissfully unaware of how their behavior affects those around them.

Golden Rule of Travel

I always try to follow my own golden travel rule, which I implore you to adopt immediately. In short:

BE EASY TO TRAVEL WITH

If you want to be a good travel companion, be easy to travel with.

It’s pretty simple. Here’s what’s required of you:

• Go with the flow
• Have fun
• Bring a great attitude
• Be a team player
• Be easygoing
• Leave the drama at home
• Pay your fair share
• Be amicable
• Be a part of every solution, not a part of the problem

Don’t Be a Huge Pain in the Butt to Your Fellow Travelers

Communication is Key

Bring your best communication skills too.

If there’s something along the way you really want to see, communicate with your group in a kind, non-threatening way. I know I’d be more than happy to swing by the World’s Biggest Butter Sculpture if you told me that’s your jam.

If your group offers no enthusiasm for your passion project, don’t pout or get upset. Instead, figure out a way to go see whatever you don’t want to miss by yourself. You might have to go a little earlier, or a little later, or skip something in the middle of the day. And that’s okay, have no regrets. If you’re unflinchingly nice about your change in plans, there’s no reason for anyone in your group to be snarky with you.

Trust me, I know from experience that there’s nothing worse than dragging someone around a place you think is fabulous and watching them roll their eyes in boredom. 

Plan Trips the Whole Group Will Enjoy

After having my share of uncomfortable travel experiences, I’ve built an awesome group of travel friends. (A group everyone wants to join!!!) The people I regularly travel agree with and abide by the Be Easy to Travel With rule. As an added bonus, we all look forward to our journeys together.

When I plan a trip I first and foremost consider my fellow traveler’s interests. I make sure we swing by all the Must-See sites in the area, but I also always include special places, events and restaurants I know my travel pals will enjoy.

If you’re the trip planner, always remember it has to be about the whole group, not about you as an individual.

It’s Okay to Travel Alone

You should take a liberating alone trip.

Some cities are better to visit alone . . . Paris, Venice, Prague and Florence all offer very art-heavy experiences. If there’s one thing I’ve learned . . . art isn’t for everyone.

Other Things That Aren’t For Everyone:

• Hiking
• Camping
• Biking
• Swimming
• Fishing
• Mountain Climbing
• Meditation
• Cemeteries
• Churches
• Sushi
• Country Concerts
• Wine
• Smoking
• Waking up early
• Staying up late

I love visiting Paris, Venice, Florence and Prague alone as I have a much higher tolerance for art than the normal person. I love nothing more than visiting an art gallery all by myself. I can linger as long as I want without worrying I’m boring anyone. 

In fact, when you travel alone it means you get to set your entire schedule! You can eat when you want, sleep when you want, and see what you want. I can’t think of anything more liberating.

The best part is, if you aren’t having fun you have no one to blame but yourself. 

Helpful Traveling Alone Tips

When I travel alone I get up at the crack of dawn, sightsee all day and go back to the hotel at dusk. I always have a working phone with me and I check in with friends and family several times a day. I’ve found that running around Amsterdam feels no more foreign to me than spending a day hanging out in Chicago.

So, You’ve Decided to Travel With Someone New

Finding compatible friends to travel with can be difficult. It’s very much a trial-and-error process to find the right people. Here are some suggestions to follow AT A MINIMUM before you travel with someone you don’t know well:

• Create and share a very full itinerary (literally make plans from sunup to sundown and more) before you go knowing you’ll only accomplish 75% of what’s on your list. If your travel companions prove to be difficult or if you just need a break from each other, you have a schedule full of excuses to get away (even if you’re really hiding in a cafe taking a breather).

• Make sure that the budget is clear, and your companion(s) can cover their part. 

• Discuss sleeping arrangements. 

If your new traveling pal will agree to an over-scheduled vacation, and also approves the cost and pre-arranged sleeping arrangements, half of any disagreements that could materialize are already solved.

Alone Time is Important

Plan a little alone-time into your trip (think un-spontaneous alone shopping!). It’s not healthy to be around your travel companions all the time, especially if they’re people you don’t know very well. Unless you’re traveling with completely codependent people (which you shouldn’t travel with, that would be exhausting) a little built-in alone time should be well-received by everyone.

A Three-Person Trip is BAD NEWS

Avoid a three-person trip at all costs. Two people pairing off is inevitable. Three-people trips rarely go well. 

If you find yourself in an uncomfortable travel situation (regardless of the number of people), remember you can handle anything for the extent of your trip. Trust me, I know this from experience. As a flight attendant, I work with a different crew every week. Most trips are great, but occasionally some personalities don’t jive and in some situations, it’s difficult to find common ground. When this happens, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I can deal with anything for four days.

And then I read my book.

Examine Your Own Behavior

You owe it to your travel companions to be well-behaved.

• Don’t drink to excess
• Don’t be hungover
• Don’t be difficult
• Don’t be rude
• Don’t be consistently late

It’s not fair to your travel companions to have their precious site-seeing time cut because you can’t manage your time.

Likewise reconsider traveling with people who:

• Drink to excess
• Are often hungover
• Are difficult
• Act rude
• Often run late

Your travel time is precious, don’t waste it with people who refuse to manage their actions and behaviors. 

Don’t Do Stupid Things at Stupid Times

Avoid traveling with people who do stupid things at stupid times. Stupid things include:

• Buying and using drugs
• Getting drunk night after night
• Stealing
• Breaking laws
• Running off with friendly strangers

Always avoid doing stupid things in foreign countries, especially if the country isn’t friendly with the USA.

My Travel Pal is a Mess. Now What?

If your travel companion is a mess, you have a handful of options.

If the Problem is Obnoxious Behavior

• Determine if you can deal with their crazy-making for a few more days . . . and then hold your chin up and deal with it.

• Have an honest conversation with your travel companion and suggest for the health and wellness of your friendship you should both enjoy the rest of your trip doing your own thing.

• Determine if going home is an option.

If the Problem is of a Mental Nature:

• Unless you’re a mental health professional or the mental problem isn’t too serious, it’s best to go home. It’s an unfair burden for all parties to continue traveling around a foreign place with someone who isn’t rational, reasonable and logical.

People Don’t Change That Much

If you find yourself in the uncomfortable position of traveling with people who aren’t compatible with you, please don’t fool yourself into thinking it’ll be better next time and go with them again. These sorts of spots don’t change into stripes.

You can still be friends with people you don’t enjoy traveling with. Just because you don’t travel well with someone doesn’t mean the foundation of your friendship isn’t solid. Finding good travel pals takes time, and it’s time well invested in yourself.

After you’ve experienced some trial and error and you find your travel tribe, congrats! Cling to your group, you’ve received a precious gift. 

And remember the golden rule.

Be Easy To Travel With

Thanks So Much for Stopping By!

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I’d love to hear about your travel experiences, good and bad. We’ll all be better travelers if we learn from one another. 

The Art of Travel (TAOT) ~ Written by Kylie. Photos for this article were from Unsplash.